Dyablo's Capture The Flag

[Dyablo]

1. If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."

2. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.

3. There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.

4. Vin Diesel wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.

5. Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

5. When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

6. Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

7. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Vin Diesel and forgot to pay him back.

8. On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

9. Whenever Vin Diesel plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders, because he's not some pussy who can't climb up a plastic slide.

10. When Vin Diesel deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.

11. Vin Diesel sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.

12. Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

13. Dairy Queen used to be Dairy King before Vin Diesel made it his bitch.

14. The word "lesbian" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "She who has not yet been introduced to Vin Diesel."

15. Vin Diesel has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a small box.

16. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.

17. Vin Diesel's orgasm leaves an exit wound.

18. Vin Diesel doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.

19. The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of Vin Diesel, only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.

20. Vin Diesel is the only one who can "try this at home."

21. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.

22. Vin Diesel always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.

23. Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

24. When Vin Diesel put on the One Ring, the Nazgul just said, "Fuck it."

25. Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

26. Most people don't know this, but the bible actually ends with Vin Diesel showing up at the crucifixion with a pair of Uzi's and kicking some Roman ass. Vin Diesel was all like, "Jesus, I totally saved you." Then, off on the horizon, a bunch of Romans show up riding dinosaurs led by Mecha Pontious Pilate. Jesus busts out this sweet ninja sword and says, "Now it's my turn to save you." Then Jesus and Vin Diesel run towards the Romans in slow motion. That's how the bible ends. It's a cliff-hanger. I can't wait for the sequel, "The Bible 2: Water...Into Blood".

27. Vin Diesel invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.

28. All of Vin Diesel's genes are dominant.

29. If you are within one mile of Vin Diesel and you drop your toast, it will always land butter side up. Always.

30. Vin Diesel's blood type is WD-40.

31. Vin Diesel impaled over 40 horses to make what he calls "an authentic" Merry-Go-Round.

32. Vin Diesel coined the phrase "Pardon my French" after picking up a French man and using him like a bat to club people.

33. Vin Diesel once ate the entire cake at a bachelor party before anyone could tell him there was a stripper in it.

34. Vin Diesel can predict the shuffle on his iPod.

35. Vin Diesel actually has hair, but it's beauty is too great for mortal men to behold. As such, he appears bald to all but the purest of heart.

36. Vin Diesel became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.

37. When Vin Diesel gets pulled over he lets the cop off with a warning.

38. Vin Diesel's daily schedule goes as follows:
- Ride dirt bike through flaming hoop and appear badass
- Do something badass
- Wake Up
- Eat something badass
- Nap
- Watch The Price is Right
- Say cool one liner
- Throw cigarette in slow motion into Gas-covered bad guy
- Sleep in pit of snakes

39. Vin Diesel can watch a season of "24" in just three hours.

40. Vin Diesel had a little lamb who's fleece was white as snow, and anywhere Vin Diesel went the lamb was sure to go. So he killed it.

41. When Vin was asked why he never goes to the bathroom, he replied, "What happens in Vin Diesel, stays in Vin Diesel."

42. Santa Claus actually did exist until he forgot to give Vin Diesel the entire Hardy Boys collection series for Christmas.

43. When he was nine, Vin Diesel dressed as himself to go trick-or-treating. He came home with a bag full of candy, a bag full of miniature liquor bottles, an Irish Setter, and two underage prostitutes carrying more of his candy.

44. Vin Diesel was originally cast as Aragorn in Lord of the Rings. He was fired for eating the Hobbits between takes and making Orlando Bloom his bitch.

45. You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

46. Vin Diesel takes the phrase "Breakfast of Champions" literally. He once ate Tiger Woods, Wayne Gretzky, and Russel Crowe in one meal.

47. Getting murdered by Vin Diesel counts as a natural cause of death.

48. As Vin Diesel approaches zero, zero runs like a little bitch.

49. Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give Vin Diesel a fish and he'll stuff it up your ass and skull-fuck your daughter.

50. Vin Diesel once met Fabio on the street. Vin burst into laughter, Fabio burst into tears, and every passing car burst into flames.

51. Vin Diesel is the SI unit used to measure fear.

52. Circles exist because Vin Diesel beat the crap out of some squares.

53. When Vin Diesel plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on.

54. When Vin Diesel talks about "pumping iron," he's actually referring to masturbation.

55. If Vin Diesel was an ice cream flavor, he'd be Mint I'll-Smash-Your-Face-In-With-A-Shovel.

56. Only once has Vin Diesel ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.

57. Vin Diesel can simply walk into Mordor.

58. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Vin Diesel was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.

59. Every Christmas, Vin Diesel dresses up in red, climbs down chimneys, and steals children to work in his salt mines.

60. Nobody appreciates pacifism more than Vin Diesel, and if you don't believe him, he'll tear your kidneys out. Nobody appreciates irony more than Vin Diesel.

61. The book "Worst Case Scenario," discusses ways to run from many different deadly animals. The page entitled "Running from Vin Diesel" simply says "Good luck."

62. Vin Diesel knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (African *AND* European).

63. Vin Diesel beat Ray Charles in a staring contest.

64. Onions do not make Vin Diesel cry. Vin Diesel makes onions shit themselves.

65. Vin Diesel survived abortion.

66. Vin Diesel's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.

67. As part of his morning routine, Vin Diesel stretches by defeating 20 armed ninjas that jump out of various household appliances.

68. Vin Diesel ripped out of all Charlie Brown's hair but left a single strand to remind him one day he'd come back to eat him.

69. Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.

70. If Vin Diesel fell in the forest, and no one was watching, it would sound like Beethoven's Ninth. If he fell in the forest, and someone was watching, he would beat that guy to a bloody pulp. But the screams of agony would still sound like Beethoven's Ninth.

71. Vin Diesel defied MC Hammer and touched it.

72. Vin Diesel irons his shirts while he's wearing them.

73. Vin Diesel never laughs in the face of danger, he tells it to back the fuck off.

74. Vin Diesel invented the spanish language because he liked the word "pantalones" and needed a language to use it in context.

75. Vin Diesel likes his emo kids sunny side up.

76. Napoleon lost the battle of Waterloo because he couldn't speak English, and Vin Diesel wouldn't lower himself to speaking French.

77. The first Dungeons & Dragons card deck came to be when little Tommy Schmit found Vin Diesels misplaced photo album, "Things I Shouldn't Have Had Sex With in the Middle Ages."

78. Weeping Willows are a result of Vin Diesel yelling at trees for not being tough enough.

79. Vin Diesel has been known to ridicule Jesus for taking 3 days to rise from the dead.

80. Vin Diesel doesn't have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Tall buildings duck under Vin Diesel.

81. A few people can lift Thor's hammer, but Vin Diesel's the only one who can beat Thor's ass with it.

82. Vin Diesel appreciates candle-lit romantic dinners, long walks on the beach, and stomping your fucking face in.

83. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach Vin Diesel to fish and he will rid the ocean of all perceivable life forms.

84. Vin Diesel doesn't use sunblock; the sun wears Vinblock.

85. There is intelligent life in the universe, but they have not contacted Earth because they are avoiding Vin Diesel. They owe him $5.

86. The gaping hole in the Periodic Table of Elements once contained all of the elements used to create Vin Diesel. The government omitted these elements in future publications of the Table out of fear that rival nations could make their own Vin Diesel.

87. Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

88. When the girl from the ring climbed out of Vin's TV, he stood up, cleared his throat, stretched calmly, and booted her straight back in.

89. Vin Diesel is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.

90. Leap years are caused by Vin Diesel holding the earth back from rotating.

91. Vin Diesel's hair is too afraid of him to grow.

92. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Vin Diesel.

93. Vin Diesel once got caught doing 100 in a 50 zone. The cop did give him a speeding ticket, however Vin still pleads his innocence to this day, stating that he was simply out for a morning jog.

94. And on the Eighth day, God created Vin Diesel...and ran the fuck away in fear of what he had done.

95. Vin Diesel is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.

96. If you haven't seen Alien vs. Predator yet, don't bother, Vin Diesel wins.

97. Vin Diesel once talked an Amish housewife into buying a toaster.

98. On the sixth day, God said, "let there never be Vin Diesel." On the seventh day, God was in the hospital.

99. Vin Diesel once got so angry at a man that he punched him hard enough to cause his ancestors to feel it. This is how Napoleon lost the Battle of Waterloo.
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